Mistakes You Could Be Making on Your Healing Journey

Self-Improvement

May 4

Save Yourself Some Time by Becoming Aware of These Common Pitfalls on Your Journey to Wellness!

To whoever is reading this guide, you might be just starting your self-improvement journey, in the middle of it, or even in the “dark night of the journey”(we’ll get into this later). Regardless of where you are in this process, know that the healing journey will never be linear, and you will never be 100% healed.

There will be days when you get triggered, and you handle the situation with mindfulness and grace, and then there will be days when you revert to your old patterns. Know that you are human and it is okay to make mistakes. Mistakes are not inherently bad; it’s how you move forward and take accountability in addition to being aware of them. The healing journey can be messy, ugly, exhausting, and even overwhelming at times. But, it will always be worth it!

In today’s guide, we’re going to get into some mistakes that you could fall into throughout this lifelong process. Like stated before, mistakes are not bad, good actually, when you can learn from them and move forward in life. Everyone in life will make mistakes, but do you know the saying “ an intelligent man will learn from their own mistakes, and a wise man will learn from others’ ”? This is what this guide will help you with. By becoming aware of some possible pitfalls that can come up during this journey.

Learn from us here at The Internal Guide, that’s what we’re here for! We want to help you along this healing path that we know is by no means easy. Which is why a lot of people don’t stick to it. It takes time and effort to rewire your brain and heal from your hurt. Know that by reading this post, you will not automatically avoid these mistakes. It’s even possible that after reading this post 100x, you’ll still run into some of them. Just know that it’s okay! This is just what comes with the journey, and trust us, always putting yourself first will never not be worth it!

IN TODAY’S GUIDE YOU’LL LEARN:

Common mistakes you can encounter on your healing journey
How to move forward when you encounter these mistakes
Tools and resources you can implement throughout your journey

So Are Mistakes Really That Bad?

A mistake by definition is “an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong”. This doesn’t necessarily mean end-all be-all. A lot of us have come into this life either been done wrong by people or the person that has wronged others. No matter what side you are on, you either end up hurting someone or you get hurt. And the thing about hurt and pain is that it never goes away until you sit with it. Likely, if you clicked on this post, you want to stop letting the past and the pain that came with it dictate how you move throughout the world around you.

But first, it comes with being aware that you are not your pain or the things that happened to you. And this awareness takes TIME, trust us. We’ve all been there where we blame ourselves for the pain that we never caused, and by doing this, we cause pain to ourselves. Wanting to heal is an amazing first step to self-improvement, but like with everything in life, it comes with its fair share of problems, which we’ll now get into!

Possible Pitfall #1: Neglecting Your Old Self

If you are well into your healing journey, it’s possible that you got so consumed in improving that you neglected your old self. You can get so involved in becoming the “best version” of yourself that you neglect the old entirely. This could look like having genuine interest in something, but because you attached it to the old, unaware version, you neglect it completely when that is just something that’s internally a part of you.

When you do this, you can often get clouded in your judgment of knowing who you are. You were still worthy of what this “new version” is trying to bring into your life. Always be mindful that the past you could have had toxic patterns, but not undeserving. There is nothing wrong with being unaware and not having the tools/resources to get better. It’s what you do with it now that you have become more aware. This comes with accountability and taking aligned actions with what you’re trying to change.

Don’t be too hard on the old you; they didn’t know any better. It’s all about working with what you have now, as you grow and evolve, you can’t get too stuck on the past version. It’s common to wish you had handled things differently in the past with what you know now, but that version didn’t know any better, and now you do. Don’t neglect that person entirely because that was who you were at one point, and that is okay!!

Possible Pitfall #2: Judging Others for Not Wanting It As Badly As You

If you are someone who is a self-improvemnt junkie, perfectionist, and always looking to better yourself in all aspects of life there are going to be people that have been around you for a long time that don’t have the same drive, ambition and desire as you.

Just because they don’t sit all day every day thinking of what their future self, desires, and dreams would be like doesn’t mean that you have the right to judge them. No one has the right to judge anyone. Everyone’s priorities are different. Not everyone feels the need to be super disciplined, healthy, and their highest self. Some people are okay with where they are in life and don’t feel the need to do a complete 180. Know that before you started this journey, you once did the same actions/ behaviors you now deem as “low vibrational,” and just because they don’t have the same awareness as you doesn’t mean it is now up to you to either fix or judge them.

All you can do is be a walking, talking testimony of what you preach. If you want them to grow with you, show them how, don’t tell them how. It’s for them to decide. You cannot force people into submission. If you’re a person who you want your circle to win just as much as you do, that’s great! But sometimes, as we mature, we can become self-righteous in our newfound beliefs.

If the people around you aren’t growing as much as you would want, that is a personal decision to keep them in your life to grow with you or move on to more people who are more aligned. Just don’t abandon those people completely if they aren’t doing anything to harm you on this journey; it’s okay to still have them around. If you love them that much, you are willing to meet them wherever they are in life, and vice versa, as they see you evolve and grow.

Possible Pitfall #3: Trying to Hold On To What Used To Be

When you heal and evolve, you start to see that not everyone is taking this path alongside you. Life is forever changing, and we are forever evolving. As you age, you get wiser and more informed, but not everyone will take this newfound wisdom and apply it to their life as immediately as you do. When you heal, you outgrow the people, the environments, and even family members that used to align more with your past self.

Trying to hold on to things that no longer align can be common because it provides safety and stability in which you know. It’s scary to outgrow best friends, family, and even romantic relationships that you have had a long history with. It’s terrifying not to know what’s on the other side of people whom you haven’t met yet.

Our ego tricks us into thinking we have to stay complacent with what we know because this provides comfort, but comfort also breeds complacency. Complacency limits you from new experiences, new people, and possibly new love that you wouldn’t even get to experience because you have held on to things you outgrew. It is more than okay to let go of what’s no longer serving you, even when it looks scary and isolating at first. You haven’t met all the people who will be in your life just yet. There’s so much out there waiting for you, but it’s up to you to open yourself up to that invitation.

Possible Pitfall #4: Wanting to be 100% healed

Healing is a lifelong journey, and you will never be 100% healed. Let us repeat that for you one more time. You will NEVER be 100% healed. You could have been working on your triggers, your reactions, and your patterns all day, every day, and still, you could revert to your old ways and not be able to regulate your emotions in the moment.

We as humans love control. We want 100% control over what we think we can control and what we can’t. But with this, we forget our true nature- emotional beings. With this comes some grey area. As you heal, people will still try you, hurt you, and even attempt to use power and control over you that used to work when you gave it away freely. Sometimes people need a good cussing out; it might be the best way to handle things, but it’s the human way.

There will be times when you explode and react impulsively, even though you are aware of different ways to handle situations. It’s okay not to always act in the highest version of yourself. As long as you don’t let your emotions get the best of your behaviors and actions, you’ll be fine. But remember to take accountability when it’s needed. Apology and accountability are never a bad thing. Accept what feelings come, don’t try to control them; this just leads to more anger and resentment, and eventually to an explosion. Be honest with yourself about what you are feeling and give yourself the space to feel it. Allow for them to move through you, and with this, they then move out of you.

Possible Pitfall #5: Don’t Give Up! (The Dark Night of The Journey)

Have you been consistently showing up for yourself and instilling new habits, just to lose everything in the process? You could actually be in a worse spot than where you were before you started this healing path.

It’s possible to lose a lot on this path; your old identity, beliefs, friends, family, and environments could all be lost, leaving you confused and more isolated than ever before. These old identities might have been familiar and more stable, but they also kept you stuck and not aligned with your new version of what you want to become, but because you haven’t yet walked in the new identities, you’re in this endless, black void known as “the dark night of the journey”. In this part of your journey, you could just be waiting. It’s extremely difficult because you aren’t completely in your new life yet, having and seeing the results of what you've been actively doing, but you’re not necessarily your old self because you have more awareness of your actions and the world around you. You are in this endless void of just nothing. You get triggered, and you react mindfully, and yet nothing outside of you is changing to match your new internal world. It’s even more frustrating watching people around you still act out of their unhealthy, toxic cyclical patterns seem more stable/secure than you, who is trying to better themselves.

You often ask yourself, “How can they just keep doing the same patterns when I’m putting in all this work and nothing is changing around me?” Shouldn’t I have more and be happier?”, “Why do I feel more confused, stuck, and lost as I heal?”. This is frustrating, but it’s important to know that other people’s paths are not your concern. They are on their timeline and just because they might seem more secure externally and able to get “away” with these patterns constantly, know that they are stuck in this unhealthy cycle and to be in a toxic cycle means something is not working.

Yes, you could be in this void- confused, hurt, and let down because you took a path most people aren’t willing to take, and are waiting for life to catch up with you. Not moving forward and feeling abandoned in choosing yourself is the HARDEST part of the process.

This weird in-between phase is tough and can be long. As we heal, we would love for it to be up to us when we can meet the new life with all the work we've been putting in. Sadly, it’s not up to us when that timing is. It’s cliche to say, but trust divine timing. Trust that when you’re able to step into this new reality is not in your control. Trust you haven’t received what you want yet because you might not be able to hold on to it. And there’s nothing worse than being given something just to lose it all. Keep being consistent and walking in YOUR path regardless of how long that might be. Do not look to others. We are all on different timelines.

Possible Pitfall #6: Putting Yourself First Might Be Harder Than You Think

If you are someone who grew up always self-sacrificing and always putting yourself first, going into this healing journey can be quite difficult. Icky even. Your brain is used to being that person for others, and all of a sudden, you’re telling it to do the opposite?

Your ego loves comfort and will tell you it’s not safe to put yourself first, even when it’s the best thing you can do. The ego doesn’t speak reason, it speaks familiarity and comfort, even if this is to your detriment. Your ego will tell you lies about how it is unsafe at first, but the good thing about the brain is that with consistency, you can build new neural pathways to create your new comfort. This takes lots of repetition and practice.

It could feel threatening to put yourself first, but you’ll never feel regret, and that’s something that comes with time, especially when society tells us to always be nice and how it’s selfish to be selfish. As long as you are not hurting anyone in the process, always putting yourself first is the BEST thing you can do in any situation throughout life.

We know how scary it can be at first, but with consistent work, the fear fades. Fear isn’t real anyway. Listen to your intuition, your internal guide that knows what's best for you. Lead from that and not your ego, which only speaks from the past, especially if the past is something you don’t want to keep on repeating.

Possible Pitfall #7: Isolating Until You’re “Ready”

When trying to heal and self-improve, we often isolate ourselves and try to “lock in”. It’s good not to want any distractions throughout this journey, but we can get disillusioned by how long it will take to get to where we want to be.

Like we said earlier, you will never be 100% healed, and healing takes on longggg time. It would be nice to become fully healed within a month and not be triggered by things that you were used to being triggered by, but this will never be the case. You’ll never feel 100% ready to step into your new self. Doubt will always creep up.

Hurt and pain run deep and leave long-lasting scars on us all, and if you’re waiting to step out into the world when you’re “ready,” you are missing out on the ability to have experiences with the version you have in the present moment. Isolating causes disillusionment with yourself and the world around you. We as humans need connection and relationships to thrive and feel loved. The worst thing you can do is feel even more lonely in this process.

You might not be able to connect with the same people you once did while trying to heal, but this doesn’t mean you’re alone in trying to. There are plenty of people doing the same work to become the healed versions of themselves, but if you don’t step out into the world as you are now, you will not be able to meet these people.

The absolute worst thing you can do is to feel alone. Being lonely changes our brain chemistry, and we need as much love and encouragement from the right people as we evolve.

What’s Next?

Now that you know some of the common pitfalls you can encounter on this journey, the best thing you can do is just practice and actually make these mistakes yourself. Just learn from them and do what works best for you. Everyone is different. Use tools and resources in between these moments when you feel overwhelmed.

Remember that putting yourself will never be wrong, hard at times, yes, but never wrong, and when you lead with self compassion and self love, you’ll be more consistent, not perfect, but more consistent.

Also, remember that the more you know, the less you know, as you learn more about yourself and the world around you, which comes with more questions, and it’s okay to not know everything in life. Don’t become too overconsumed with the unknown, we came here to engage in it and enjoy it. Trying to find the truth in everything leads to existential dread. The best thing you can do is always aim to grow and evolve, but always accept yourself for where you are and where you’ve been.

Healing will never be linear, and a lot of the time, what didn’t bother you one day could bother you the next. Emotions are fickle and messy, it’s just moving on and going through this journey with grace and compassion that counts. You aren’t a Tesla robot, you’re a human being, so don’t expect yourself not to mess up; you can always get back up!

Down below, we have some resources you can use throughout this journey. Internal wishes you the best!

Affirmations: Repeating new beliefs daily until they become automatic
Visualization: Imagining yourself living in a different reality
Journaling: Writing out your new beliefs and identifying patterns
Meditation: Quieting the mind to release old programming

Internal knows that the best investment in life is YOU!

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